She Glittered When She Walked

A dear friend of mine died thirty-six years ago, and I have wanted to talk about it for a long time. But capturing her has always eluded me, and I want to do her justice. I'm not sure this will do her justice, but I don't want to wait any longer.

She was like a beloved character from a novel who gives you a warm feeling and makes you hate for the book to end. Two years older than me, she was the sister I never had, and I followed her around and hung on her every word, and those were often quirky. She had a way of looking at life that I've never encountered again, and I wish were still in the world. Her zest for almost everything seemed uncontainable, and she frequently brought light into a room and defined it for everyone.

I loved the way she put everything in her terms. Even her terms of endearment. Anyone who was an object of affection, no matter how young or old, was referred to as "old skinny leg." Maybe that's a common expression somewhere in the world, but I've never heard anyone else use it, and I'm not sure I ever want to. I still hear the sound of her voice when she said it.

This week I'm thinking of her because Monday was her birthday. When I hear or see April 5th, she's immediately in my head laughing and talking. Her head is cocked and she's making a crack about something, and I hear myself laugh. I've had to content myself with reliving those moments and wondering what she would have been like as she grew older and married and had a family or whatever it is she would have done. But that's never going to happen, and I still mourn it.

When she was seventeen, she gave up on life. One day after school she shot herself in the head. Her dad found her, and of course he was never the same after that. Her mother never seemed to have much reaction until about ten years later when she killed herself too.

I don't know what particular pain Jan was suffering, but I know the kind of mental anguish that can tempt someone to think ending things is the only way to get some relief. It's a horror to be in that state, and the real tragedy is that it doesn't have to be that way. There is relief that doesn't require self-destruction, but it does require bowing. Bowing to something greater than ourselves. Something filled with more light than ourselves. I don't know if Jan had done that and just lost her focus, but I hope she did. It's the only thing that really alleviates the grieving.

Jesus on Aisle 6

The consumer mentality is such a part of Americans that we can't check it even when considering God. For many of us (yes, including some who name themselves Christians), He is like any other good or service, i.e., how's it workin' for me? is it hassle free?

Man, nothing is new. I can't help but think of this:

19...their god is their stomach,.. Their mind is on earthly things. (Philippians 3)

May I always heed the Holy Spirit with respect to my "stomach."

I love this blog post I found this morning: Leave Us Alone Jesus

Be Who You Are

Q IDEAS | Ted and Gayle Haggard from Q Ideas on Vimeo.

This video is only an excerpt. Hear the rest. Frankly, I couldn't listen to this without crying.

Man, we need to hear more of this! When will we get real? When will we let perfect love cast out fear? Believe it or not, it really is okay to be who you are in Christ even if that means you're not perfect yet or even far from perfect, which frankly, most of us are.

Even the Apostle Paul said he had not reached perfection but pressed on to take hold of that for which Christ took hold of him. I commend Ted Haggard for doing just that. It is a testament to the Lord in his life, the power which the Lord can truly bring to make us more than overcomers. How edifying to see someone who is this honest. Where is that in the church? We desperately need more of it, and the way to get it is to forget about protecting our backsides and focus on the Lord.

I hope that any Christians reading this who feel alienated from the church and the Lord because he/she thinks that the sin is too great, realize it is a deception. Yes, some other Christians may be participating in the deception. But the Lord is not. He loves you, and He does not hold your sins against you. None of that means that someone should keep walking in darkness. In fact, it means it is okay to come into the light and have something exposed that is harmful, so that you can begin to live. It doesn't matter if the world or even some Christians condemn you. The One who matters does not. That is the good news.

Let it be so!

and it was and is. "I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me;
I was found by those who did not seek me..."(Isaiah 65:1a)

I hope the Lord makes Himself plain to you. Many blessings and merry Christmas.



BTW, I can't post this video without saying that I "lifted" it from my friend Jack. So glad there are people like Jack who give lie to the notion that the Lord makes you bourgeois and boring. :D

We will sell no wine before its time

When we were younger, that's what I used to say to Doug, my husband. Not too spiritual sounding, but hey, it does have a basis in scripture. There were a host of people in scripture who had to wait, and that time spent waiting was certainly not a waste. The Lord was molding them for His purpose, and how glorious to be molded for the Lord‘s purpose! We know He makes the best wine. :D That's what’s happening in our situation, and I'm so glad Doug had the wisdom not to jump the gun before he was ready for pastoring and before I was ready -- even though it was not always very pleasant to wait. Now he's reaping the reward of that and so are many to whom he ministers.

One of the biggest advantages is that he knows how to wait, how to wait out a storm or a dry spell. We’re dying to see this in people, but honestly, most of us don’t like how it’s formed. It’s not pretty and sometimes it seems downright boring. When great wine is made, it’s not a pretty process, and most of it is about sitting around in barrels. I’m so glad my husband submitted and is submitting to the process because it has made him a very fine person who does not shuck and run at the first, second, or even fiftieth sign of trouble (oh that it would stop at 50). He has a tenacity that is not of this world, and he doesn’t just try to be patient, he is patient. The Lord does such good work! If we will just listen to Him. He has made it plain that it's all about staying focused on what He wants, about His will being done, which the scriptures make abundantly clear what that is, and if that entails waiting until you're 95 for some things or never having them, then so be it. Ultimately, it’s not about what we want and it never has been no matter how good our desires appear to be. The Lord wants the best, so we can relax.

I'm so glad Doug trusted the Lord with his life and with me. When I was reluctant to go into full-time ministry, he gave me over to the Lord and left it there. This was no easy feat, but he did it, and it was probably the most significant thing he’s done in our marriage. He recognized that he had to trust the Lord -- even with his ministry. LOL! This meant that some of my fears had to be worked out between me and the Lord and no amount of talking or strong arming was going to deal with it. It was the Lord’s to deal with directly. Doug also heard what I was saying and then had the wisdom to seek the Lord to weigh it. Some things that I said he dismissed and some he heeded. Always, it was about doing what brought glory to the Lord and not to ourselves or about gaining comfort for ourselves. You know I Timothy 3:5 is not in scripture for nothing. LOL! Frankly, it’s childish to think that if someone does not know how to minister to their family, that they will know how to minister to the church. If there is anything that Doug has learned, it‘s how to minister to his family. He has children of whom he can be so very proud, and who by their very lives are ministering to others, and certainly, his wife has benefited from his shepherding in the Lord.

Pardon the clumsy use of metaphor, but I think I made my point.