Defining everything?

I've had tons of experiences online. Some good, some not so good, some terrific and some terrible. Being online (even on sites with good moderators) is still a bit of a free for all. But that's what I love about it. I love to hear others' viewpoints, and it is boring to always hear what I already think. But when does diversity become only disruption? I don't know. All I know is that it's like pornography. I know it when I see it.

Signed,
A possible smidge

More RA Love

For potential inmates


It began with a movie called North and South, and no, it's not the one with Patrick Swayze, may he rest in peace. The North and South I'm talking about covers roughly the same period (mid-1800s) but takes place in England. It was originally a serialized story written by Elizabeth Gaskell (Mary Barton, Cranford, Wives and Daughters) and published in the magazine Household Words and then later as a novel. In 2004 it became a BBC mini-series starring Richard Armitage (or RA as his fans often think of him). You might recognize him as the bad guy in BBC's Robin Hood or as one of the spies in MI-5 although most people have never heard of him much less seen him.

For the women reading this who have not seen North and South, even if you're not a period drama lover (I wasn't), chances are good you'll like this one. But there should be a warning on the DVD case about watching this late at night or when you don't really have time to watch the whole thing in one sitting. It is in four one-hour episodes, but most cannot stop with one even if they think they can. I started watching at 11:00 at night, and that was a mistake. I then tried to warn one of my daughters about it, and she didn't listen and ended up doing the same thing but complained that I didn't warn her. LOL!

Richard Armitage says he's "a bit of a detailed actor," and I believe it. Every time I've watched this movie I've seen something I didn't before. It truly is a little wonder, and it prompted me to find out what else he had been in. This was a bit of a feat, but thankfully, Netflix had a few other shows. By the time I got done with Netflix, I was definitely a fan. Really I was a fan after North and South, but now I guess I'm a rabid fan, and RA just gets better and better.

Recently he's done a series of audio books, and the next one, The Convenient Marriage, is due the first of August. Just as I wasn't a fan of period drama, I wasn't much of a fan of audio books and certainly not a fan of Regency novels. The mere thought of most Regency novels had me in sugar shock. But his ability to convey the characters in these stories has me laughing and smiling and definitely seeing them in my head almost like a mini-series. This is amazing to me since it was stunning how much he could convey saying little or nothing in his film performances. Then for him to switch gears and use only his voice to convey a wealth of meaning with not just one character but several? It's unlike anything I've ever witnessed in a performer. I never thought I would have James Dean and Richard Burton rolled into one.

Thank you, Netflix.

If you're still not sure about North and South, here's a little sample:



RichardArmitageNet.com provided the screencaps.

Who Are We?

For years now I've been communicating online, and it's been a wonderful experience. I really enjoy it and don't plan to stop. What's helped me sustain my joy is to never take things personally (or try not to) even if they're meant personally. I try to live by this rule in all my interactions, and if I hadn't, I probably wouldn't leave my house much less get online. I've also told my kids ad nauseum to go and do likewise. They usually finish the sentence for me when I launch into it and say, "Yeah, Mom, we know don't take anything personally." To which I usually reply, "Yep." Several weeks ago I broke my rule.

There is a forum which I've frequented for almost two years, and I really love reading it and do not go there to have any kind of serious discussion about religion or politics or anything that tends to get people riled. But in reading some of the boards there, I got the sense that Americans are not held in high esteem and especially "conservative" Americans. A lot of places online are fairly "liberal" in their views, and frankly, it's good for me to read those views. It provokes me to think about my views, which tend to be "conservative" or "libertarian" depending on the issue, and why I have my views and whether or not they hold water, as it were. So opposing views usually never bother me. Some of this may be due to growing up in a household that loved to argue and frequently practiced the devil's advocate. If someone doesn't play that role, I find myself wanting to do it. Yes, I guess I'm that antagonistic, but again, I don't usually take opposing views personally and expect others to do the same. It's not about me or someone else but should be about the issue.

All of that changed when I kept seeing posts either strongly implying or seemingly flat out saying that "conservatives" in America are stupid or mean or other things that none of us want to be. No, this isn’t the first time I’ve read personal attacks. Far from it. But I guess I got my fill of this because of all that's going on in our country. I'm sick and yes, tired of hearing that crap. So I jumped in and stated I was offended. Then I got involved in the discussion in earnest, and it was not taken well at all. Hey, I expected that and began to give as good as I got. This only served to make some people on that board really dislike me. I realize I rose to some bait they laid out there (whether intentional or inadvertent) about "conservatives," and I was dumb enough to create further tensions. Shame on me for breaking my rule, but hey, I did, and considering how seldom I do that, I'm not going to beat myself for slipping up one time out of hundreds or maybe thousands online where I could have. Having said all of that, this post is not about making amends or trying to figure out whether or not those people will eventually like me. I guess I'm arrogant enough to think they'll get over it and learn to like me or at least respect me. I like them and hopefully, they know I respect them.

What I can't shake is the private reaction I received. Numerous PMs and emails of support came to me from others who read the conversation. Some of them encouraged me not to back down, and I had to really step back and consider those so I didn't let myself get more inflamed. Those kinds of communications are common when a debate is going on. But this was far more than I've ever seen. However, the majority of communications I received were from people saying more or less, "You're not alone; I agree with you! I'm just not going to give my views because I don't want the hassle or to offend." These kinds of messages are also fairly common when a debate is going on but again, it was a lot more than usual. By the way I respect when someone doesn't want to get into an argument. But those responses have me thinking about how we, as "conservatives," respond.

I don't think a fun forum is necessarily the place to comment, but it's not just in these places that "conservatives" restrain themselves. We're so good at keeping quiet, that when we do speak, ala something like the Tea Party groups, "liberals" have to characterize it as out of control. All of that serves to keep us quiet. Because hey, we're the reasonable people, the sane heads. We can't be out of control. That's how "conservatives" generally think of themselves. The sum of that is that we are still pretty much a silent group. We believe that the difference is made at the ballot box. Certainly, cheating notwithstanding, the ballot box is where the difference should be made. But my friends, what inspires people to go to the ballot box? Talking. Defending your position. Certainly not in a harsh, knee jerk, name calling manner, but in a thoughtful, factual way, and yes, with some passion! And no, passion doesn't necessarily mean being loud and certainly doesn't mean spewing venom or name calling, but it does require being heard.

We need more of this, and I challenge myself as well as anyone else who needs to hear this that your speech, no matter where it is done, is being heard. Some may actually change their minds based on what you say in public places including fun forums. Don't be shy. No, I'm not advocating that people indiscriminately argue or take on a hassle, and especially where it will do no good. Some wisdom should be applied, but perhaps it's wise not to decide so quickly that we are in a place where it will do no good to speak. It will require thinking and, dare I say it, praying to determine this. Even though I received all those communications from people who agree with me, there was one type I received that got to me more than the others. Those from people who admitted being on the fence and didn't feel like they knew enough to make a decision. Yes, those are common communications too, but once again, there were a lot more of these than usual. There are people out there who really do want to be informed but are afraid and don't know where to go. That was clear by their questions to me. Hopefully, I was able to help them in some way. Think of all the people who didn't send a note and just read my posts.

Bottom line: if we don't speak more about our views and why we hold them, we will certainly see more of what we're currently getting in our government. So as much as that was a painful exercise on the forum, if it helped someone to see the principles of "conservatism" are worth exploring or adhering to, I would gladly do it again!

note: if you're wondering why I put “conservative” and “liberal” in quotes, it's because those terms can be fluid. I'll be happy to define what I mean by them, but that’s another post.

What Can I Say?

My daughter moved away from home, and I have nothing to say that is earth shaking. Yes, it's a rite of passage for me as well as her. Yes, I miss her and yet am glad that she's taken off to become the person she was meant to be. But I can't let another day go by without saying that I feel so blessed for the person she already is.

Her dad went to visit a few months ago, and like the sensitive person and writer she is, she shared her thoughts on her blog. I cannot read that without getting choked. She nailed the description of her dad. I could spend years writing about him, and I don't think I could capture him like that. Well done, Rachel!

What is it about April?

How appropriate that during a month that's historically one of our most violent, the SCOTUS should rule in defense of people who make videos that perpetrate cruelty to animals.

I would wax on about this, but my friend, Jack does
a much better job than I could.

Oh, and it's Hitler's birthday too.

Eternal Sunshine

A few weeks ago I spent two days driving a U-Haul truck from Texas to Colorado. Somewhere on the outskirts of Fort Worth I got stuck in a snarl of traffic about two in the afternoon. Certainly not what I thought of as rush hour, but I was so out of the groove on rush hour I didn't know anymore. I got jumpy sitting and waiting and having people cut in front of me as I inched forward in a really large vehicle with poor visibility.

A few minutes later I spotted a WalMart and immediately started fighting to exit the highway. By the time I found a parking place and walked around the truck, made sure nothing weird was poking out of the back, I was so ready to get into WalMart that I practically ran in the door. Pavlov has nothing on these people. I hustled in and noticed they had a McDonald's (don't they all), and I had to get one of those McCoffee drinks with a couple of extra shots.

This trip to WalMart was more than a respite from the highway. My youngest child was about to have a birthday, and she wanted a "big girl" bicycle. I knew WalMart in the city was going to have a much better selection than WalMart in the boonies. I was right but not entirely. Then I had to wait quite a while for someone to help me after I hit the pole buzzer. I always feel like a crumb when I have to ring a bell or buzzer to get service, and I had to stand there for a while before I overcame my self-consciousness about looking like I think I'm someone important.

A teen boy finally appeared. He was very polite but didn't know much about the bikes. Thankfully, the boy and I muddled through it together, and once I made my choice, he easily took it down from the rack and even offered to get me a few bucks knocked off the price. He and I decided to take the bike through Lawn and Garden, which usually doesn't have a long customer line. Plus, I could park the truck right outside the door and load it without blocking traffic.

While I was waiting in line with the boy, I kept trying to look outside to see if the traffic on the highway had cleared and wondering whether I would make New Mexico before it got really late. I didn't want to come over Raton Pass late at night. It's not usually a terrible pass. But it still has a treacherous feel, and I'm always relieved when I'm over the state line in Colorado even though home is another eight hours.

When it was my turn, the cashier smiled at me and a young man in his 20s stepped up to the end of the counter near her and nodded his head at the bike and asked in almost a musical tone, "Is that a birthday present?"

I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and said, "Uh, yes, it is."

Then he asked, "Is it for a girl or boy?"

I was a little irritated 'cause I was in a hurry. I could see the traffic had cleared and some people in the store had told me rush hour usually starts around 3:00 pm, but I answered his question.

Then he grinned and asked, "When's her birthday?"

I answered as I was putting my credit card away and nodding at the cashier, and he said, "And what year was she born?" I was really getting perturbed at the incessant questioning, but I was polite and told him. Before the date was barely out of my mouth, he said, "Oh, she was born on a Tuesday!"

I finally looked at him fully and said, "Why yes, she was."

He grinned and said, "I'm autistic, but I'm good with birthdays. Yep, yep. yep."

"Yes, you are," I said.

"Want me to do another one?"

I smiled and said, "Sure."

"Just be sure to tell me the year."

"Okay," and then I asked him about my son's birthday.

Again, before I barely finished, he said, "He was born on a Tuesday too!"

I laughed and said, "You're right!"

I asked him several more dates and he was always right, and we could have played this game all day with the cashier and the boy as audience. But I knew they needed to get back to work. I quickly introduced myself to the young man and he told me his name was Kevin. I said, "Do you work here at WalMart, Kevin?"

"Well, yeah, I guess. I'm not sure what I do, but they pay me."

"I know what you do. You cheer up people like me and these people you work with." I noticed as I spoke the cashier and the boy were smiling and nodding their heads.

Kevin kind of ducked his head, and I shook his hand and said, "I'm glad I stopped, and I'm glad I got to meet you!" He pumped my hand vigorously and grinned and I grinned back.

I could not stop smiling as I walked to the truck, loaded it and then crept onto the highway. I was halfway home before I stopped. That was almost three weeks ago, and every time I think of Kevin, I grin.

Kevin, wherever you are, God Bless you! and I know He does.

note: I don't know a lot about autism and certainly don't know if Kevin is really autistic or if someone just told him that.

She Glittered When She Walked

A dear friend of mine died thirty-six years ago, and I have wanted to talk about it for a long time. But capturing her has always eluded me, and I want to do her justice. I'm not sure this will do her justice, but I don't want to wait any longer.

She was like a beloved character from a novel who gives you a warm feeling and makes you hate for the book to end. Two years older than me, she was the sister I never had, and I followed her around and hung on her every word, and those were often quirky. She had a way of looking at life that I've never encountered again, and I wish were still in the world. Her zest for almost everything seemed uncontainable, and she frequently brought light into a room and defined it for everyone.

I loved the way she put everything in her terms. Even her terms of endearment. Anyone who was an object of affection, no matter how young or old, was referred to as "old skinny leg." Maybe that's a common expression somewhere in the world, but I've never heard anyone else use it, and I'm not sure I ever want to. I still hear the sound of her voice when she said it.

This week I'm thinking of her because Monday was her birthday. When I hear or see April 5th, she's immediately in my head laughing and talking. Her head is cocked and she's making a crack about something, and I hear myself laugh. I've had to content myself with reliving those moments and wondering what she would have been like as she grew older and married and had a family or whatever it is she would have done. But that's never going to happen, and I still mourn it.

When she was seventeen, she gave up on life. One day after school she shot herself in the head. Her dad found her, and of course he was never the same after that. Her mother never seemed to have much reaction until about ten years later when she killed herself too.

I don't know what particular pain Jan was suffering, but I know the kind of mental anguish that can tempt someone to think ending things is the only way to get some relief. It's a horror to be in that state, and the real tragedy is that it doesn't have to be that way. There is relief that doesn't require self-destruction, but it does require bowing. Bowing to something greater than ourselves. Something filled with more light than ourselves. I don't know if Jan had done that and just lost her focus, but I hope she did. It's the only thing that really alleviates the grieving.