Tuesday, November 3, 2009

What was I thinking?

So a couple of months ago I put up my Facebook page to help my friends who are intimidated by tech stuff and in particular the internet. What I failed to consider is that it wasn't the internet that scared them but the computer's 'on' button.

I have received more questions since I put up that blasted page than I did before, yet when I have asked my friends, "How 'bout asking me a question on my page?" the response is, "But I don't really get on the computer much. I really want to but I don't know a whole lot, and I'm not sure that I even know how to post things on Facebook -- even though my daughter [or insert some other relative] says it's easy. Can you just come over sometime and show me?"

Well, if I had lots of spare time, I would since I do love people and love solving problems -- at least of the computer kind. But I was sort of hoping I could answer some of those questions at 4am in the morning when it's quiet around my house.

Okay, so I'm not sure the page was a good idea for promoting help, but I had fun making it and will post there anyway. Maybe I have more spare time than I thought. :D

Monday, November 2, 2009

Abortion 33 years later

Maybe one day I'll write a book about my experiences as a pastor's wife -- or maybe not. But I've had some things happen that have surprised me and are noteworthy in some fashion. I guess it's going to be this blog. Kick in the head is that I thought very little or nothing would surprise me given my upbringing and experiences, which are decidedly not what is conjured up when someone says "pastor's wife."

One of the things that sneaked up on me is coming to know a large number of women who had abortions when they were much younger (some of them have had more than one or even two). Oh, I realize I probably know more of these women than most people because I can be trusted never to share their very personal information with others, i.e., deference given to "the pastor's wife." But even if I cut the number in half, it's still a lot no matter my husband's profession.

When I was younger, I knew women who had chosen abortion, but I never had any meaningful conversation with them about what they felt about it. Now I have, and it is overwhelming how many carry enormous guilt or numbness as a result of the guilt. It's pretty much all of them, and it seems to make little difference how long ago it happened. Several of the women are around my age (50 years), and they still struggle with their decision. I guess I tended to think much more than I realized that women who choose abortion are more driven by pragmatism than sentiment. But the reality of their guilt says otherwise, and it has become to me the dirty secret of abortion.

As much as I hate that someone has to endure that kind of pain, it is a healthy response. I take heart in the reality that no matter how progressive we like to think we've become as a society, the human response to sacrificing a life close to us is still usually great remorse sometimes followed by the self-preserving response of becoming numb to it. But the lack of response or care about such things is troubling indeed. The lack of response seems indicative of quite a selfish heart.

For those who are struggling with this regret, my prayers and compassion go out to you. My heart hurts for you. For those who feel little or nothing, my prayers and compassion also go out to you, and yes, my heart hurts for you as well -- even more so.