Saturday, March 13, 2010

Regret

Oh, yeah, I have some regrets about my life. Don't we all. But I'm not thinking about anything of that magnitude. This morning I simply regret not being anonymous on this blog. I've written about a hundred or more pieces, but I can't publish many of them. They would be too raw. Not for me but for some others close to me. About the only one who wouldn't miss a beat is my husband. He is cool with a lot of stuff, and in fact, he is the one who has encouraged me to write and to be fearless about it. But as for the others, I wouldn't be impugning anyone. It would just provoke too many questions from family and some close friends when I just want to write and let it fall where it may without questions. Is that even possible? Even with the most damaging questions that will remain unspoken?

I know it's not entirely possible. I am writing for someone to read it and be affected by it, so it's not fair to ask my family and friends to just check their wondering. I suppose I could just treat questions like I sometimes do the phone -- because it rings doesn't mean I have to answer it. Yeah, I know that sounds selfish. Yeah, I know it may leave a bad taste in someone's mouth that I said that. Yeah, I know. I know.

Well, I guess I just wasn't as smart as some other bloggers who are anonymous, but then someone speaking his mind anonymously just rings of cowardice. A word comes to mind. But is it cowardice? Maybe not. Maybe sometimes it really is discretion, and I'm finding that out the hard way. Or am I just a coward? I don't know. Then there is the Lord. I do want to honor Him because He deserves it. That simple. But what would be dishonoring?

For someone like me who is not a natural writer, this is tough. Oh, I'm thinking about it, and I'll continue. My gosh I've spent so much of my life pondering every cussed thing.

Time to go to the Lord. Thankfully, He really does know and will have my answer, and Hallelujah! He always answers even if I don't like what He says at the time.

5 comments:

Lisa Jewell said...

You have the Holy Spirit in you, if you feel a "check" in your gut when you want to say something...don't say it. If you don't feel that "check", say it, knowing that God will protect the hearts and minds of those that read it. It amounts to nothing more than setting aside the flesh and listening to the Holy Spirit and allowing Him to guide you. Do that, and everything you do will give glory to God.

servetus said...

I wrestle with this question a lot, too. I write a blog about my life anonymously and I am pretty certain that no one I know reads it. It is really great, but it feels cowardly. On the other hand it helps me to deal with difficult situations/problems more easily.

In every relationship, there are things that need not to be said.

bZirk said...

Thank you both for your comments.

bzirk said...

Who are you?? why are you called bZirk??

signed, Becky Zirkle. aka Bzirk

bZirk said...

I'm also a Zirkle with a B in my name, and I guess great minds think alike. :D

BTW, I've been called bZirk for probably 20+ years and have used the name on the internet between 15 and 20 years.

Feel free to send me a note (email address in my profile) if you would like a proper introduction.